Dang it.

I hate to admit when I'm wrong, in fact I hardly ever do. I can always rationalize a way to make me be right, and it makes me feel better about almost making a mistake. Alan on the other hand, will easily apologize-dang him. Maybe it gives him a sense of "superiority" over me. Mostly, I think it's a means to an end. He just wants to move on from the argument, and get on with life. Secretly, I wish I could do this. I wish I could put aside my pride, and tell him flat out,

"Okay, Babe. You got me. I was completely wrong, you were in every way right. I'm sorry. So sorry!" Kiss, kiss.

I wish I could say it. I also wish I could mean it.

The times I do actually say the dreaded phrase, "I'm sorry," I'm usually really not. I too just want to end the fight sometimes. Like I said, I can always find ways that make me right. It's another fault of mine, that I'm making baby steps to fix.

I make the kids tell each other sorry when they hurt each other physically or emotionally. They get into trouble if they don't. Strangely enough, I find it easy to say it to people who I don't even know. I have no problem telling strangers in the store "I'm sorry", when one of my kids runs right in front of them and almost knocks them over. And, I totally mean it. Why is that?

Well, I am going to go out on a limb and say, today I did mess up. It is partly Alan's fault, but really the situation wouldn't have come up if I didn't make a few "poor" decisions. So, I am saying to everyone out there, that it is true, I was to blame for this mess. Alan if you are reading this-

I am sorry, and I really do mean it.

And, Alan-If you aren't reading this; well, what can I say? I tried.