Who, What, When, Where and Why? I have no clue.

It is amazing the amount of stuff that I don't know. The boys ask me questions all the time, and I hate not having answers. I have to admit, I do make things up sometimes when I can see that the answers will only lead to more things I don't know. One of their favorite things to ask is where a raccoon sleeps. I don't know this. They know that I don't know this, maybe they are seeing if I actually looked it up like I said I would. I still haven't. I don't know why some things go into my washer not too dirty but come out completely stained. I wish I knew this one-I would fix it if I did. I don't know how to change a car tire. Mr. Zino if by some freak accident you are reading this-look away. I did, in fact have my mom sign the paper without me actually "doing" that assignment. And the one time my tire went flat on the freeway, I called a tow truck, even though I had everything to do it in my trunk. That's what AAA is for, right? Now I'm married to a mechanic, so I doubt I will ever learn this. I know the theory behind it, but I don't really want to learn that. Maybe that's where some of my "knowledge deficiency" comes from, lack of interest. The rest of my missing smarts is just a mystery to me.

Sometimes I think my education was a waste of time. I watch the show Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader and I'm ashamed to realize that actually, I'm not. This is quite embarrassing considering I passed 5th grade like 20+ years ago. Where does all that knowledge go? Is it true that you can only learn so much in your life before your brain just starts dumping out the older "less important" stuff? Who decides what gets tossed, and what stays? I really don't need to remember the song lyrics to songs that I hate, but I know those. That takes a lot of space, I'm sure. Space that could be better put to use with remembering perhaps the hammer my mom wanted me to bring over, or the iron, the remote, the cutting board and freezer paper, or Darby's shirt, the TV cables, and the formula. This is a list of all the stuff I have forgotten-Just today, and had to drive home for. I actually stopped coming home after the fourth trip, and just had to leave the shirt, cables, and remote for tomorrow. This is a daily annoyance. It is somewhat depressing to me to know that in about 3 years, My oldest child will know more than me. When did I lose my short term memory? At what point did my long term memory abandon ship? I'd really like both of those back.

I do know some stuff. I know the order of the planets from the sun.......Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto. I know Pluto has been downgraded to a "Dwarf Planet", but that only makes me like it more. It's special now. Plus, it was always a planet, so them saying it isn't "Technically" a planet anymore doesn't phase me, it's a trend. In a few years, Pluto will be back stronger than before. Just watch.

I apparently know how to fix my computer a little. I just tried turning it on, a few times, and each time got that "blue screen of death" (as my friend Tamara once called it. Very fitting, now that I know the sense of panic associated with seeing it on the monitor!) So I re-started it, hit F8, put it into "safe mode" and went in and restored the system to a week ago. Now here I am! Internet access. By the way-Safe Mode looks an awful lot like the old computers of yore.....way back in the 80's when they were all green screened, with giant letters. It was weird, and took me back a little.

I am content knowing that I don't know everything. I don't need to. There was this little thing called "Google" that some genius out there came up with (a very rich genius now), a thing that I couldn't live without! What did I do before this?!? Pick up a dictionary? What is that?!? A cookbook? Where are we, the dark ages?!? All I do is type in whatever tickles my fancy:

"Google, can I please have the recipe for Enchiladas?"
"Of course you can, but why stop there? Here are 80, 000 enchilada recipes to choose from."

"Goolge, what is the name of the actor that is married to Scarlett Johansson?"
"You are so silly, that's Ryan Reynolds. Here are 1, 253, 800 pictures of him to drool over."
"Oh, Google! You know me so well. How about a Ryan Reynolds, Johnny Depp Mash up?
"As you wish..."

Um, drool much? These two are disgustingly handsome.

I have never found something this site didn't know. I have it on my phone for the questions I have all day. All but the raccoon one, because that would take a functioning short term memory. You can believe I am going to look it up when I'm done with this though. I already have my beloved website up, with it typed in......I'm so good!

I get that I'm not going to know everything, but retaining what I already learned really isn't too greedy to ask for, right? I don't think so. But, until I can figure out how to do that, I will worship the Google Godmother that makes me appear smart to my children. It's one of the only illusions I have over them. This, and Santa Claus, but even his days are numbered in this house. *Sigh*