Saturday, August 17, 2013
My Relationship With My Spouse
Alan and I have come a long way. I will definitely say that. Our relationship is sometimes fabulous and full of laughs, and at other times we literally could punch each other in the face. I know this is normal. In fact, there are very few people that I love, that I haven't wanted to hurt at one point or another. It just shows you care. At least that's what I tell myself.
We were laying in bed last night, hiding from the kids. Alan was watching Lifetime, and I was draped across his belly so he had better access to my back; (he scratches my back while watching TV sometimes, and I was not about to miss out even if I did have to listen to another movie of the week to do so) and I told Alan that the subject for my next post was our relationship, and asked how he would describe it.
"Good" was his answer.
Good. Guys are never big on details.
"Good? Really? That's it?" I prodded.
"Yeah.....good." Then he stops, stares at me, and asks; "So how would you describe it?"
"Well," I pondered. "Up and down, I guess. More up than down."
"Yeah, that's a good way to describe us."
"I mean, we like spending time together just hanging out, and you still make me laugh because you're just a big nerd,"
"I am NOT a nerd," he interrupted. "I'm the total opposite of a nerd."
"You are a total nerd. All your goofy stories?? Please. Big. Nerd."
So we came away with the understanding that while we get along most of the time, that suits us just fine. Also, Alan is a huge nerd. Don't let him tell you otherwise.
We are seriously as different as two people can be. I am the responsible middle kid, he is the impulsive baby of the family. I like Action, Romance, and Comedy movies. When I want to watch a movie, I do it to escape reality for a while. Alan? He loves Drama. Gangster flicks, Mysteries and True Stories are also his favorites. I adore reading. Unless it's a manual on how to fix a car, Alan won't touch it. We can't even listen to the same music, and the only TV channel we agree on is ID. Death. We agree on death stories. Should I be worried?
While I tend to want to be out of the house doing things, Alan just wants to be home watching his "stories". Every spot in a relationship where most people measure compatibility, we are COMPLETE opposites. Yet, somehow we work. True, if we had more things in common, it would be much easier; but I like the saying: "Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors". We are working on 'US' everyday, and enjoying doing it no matter hill or valley. Compromise is a big thing with us.
It has been a rough go at times. We are both stubborn, and butt heads about our differences. I have discovered the joy of friends, for when I need someone to hang out with that likes the same things as me. I go to the movies with my brother, rather than drag Alan along to something I know he wouldn't enjoy. Alan goes to the movies by himself and he is completely happy doing it. He has music on his phone, so if a show is on he doesn't like, he just listens to that. If you recall an old post where we decided to take turns going out every other weekend, and have a "night off" from parenting and responsibility.....that has worked wonders for us! It's not a typical arrangement, to be sure, but it works. I can't express to you the joy I feel when I know my Friday is coming up and the kids are being Monsters! It makes it bearable somehow. Alan is actually on his night out as I type. Living it up, no doubt. =)
We really do try to not fight in front of the kids, but it does happen. While I don't think it's a great thing to do, I do think it's a good way to teach forgiveness. I point out to them that just like when they fight with each other, they still love each other in the end. Nobody gets along all the time, but apologies can go a long way.
Disagreements aside, I think Alan and I have a very balanced relationship. We love each other. Respect each other. We compliment each other, and help each other. We laugh often and honestly enjoy each other. These are all things our kids get to see. Whenever we hug or kiss, Nick and Nathan just stand there with big goofy grins, giggling. It's very important to let kids see the lovey-dovey stuff.
He lets me have my friends, without questioning what I'm doing/saying behind his back because he trusts me. He can, just as I can trust him. Friends are something your partner should never ask you to give up, and thankfully he gets that. I can have the friends I choose, man or woman; and he is just fine. I love that.
I am so thankful that the kids have an example of what a father should be. They are lucky in that area. They also see that we love each other no matter what, and more than love each other-we like each other. So maybe, I do agree with Alan. Our relationship is Good. I just take more words to say it, but that's not such a bad thing....