Saturday, August 31, 2013

10 Pet Peeves

I'm going a little out of order because the '10 people that have influenced me' has me stumped. And right now I can't think of my MOST embarrassing moment, let alone even a mildly embarrassing one. So, I jumped ahead. Besides, the boys are ignoring my pleas, requests and demands to go to bed; so thinking of pet peeves is more where my mind is right now.
10 Pet Peeves
(in no particular order)
Being Talked Over/Not Listened To
I hate this so much. It's so disrespectful, and many fights have been started this way between Alan and I. If I'm going to listen to you then do the same for me, even if you don't like what I have to say. It's just manners.
Being Lied To
Even if you think you are doing a good job, and deceiving me; I know. I would rather get bad news than be lied to. It infuriates me, and I will be mad even if it was over something stupid. Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy. I can't stress this enough.
People That Chew Like Cows
It's just disgusting. Don't do it.
Being Told What To Do 
This possibly goes back to my childhood. Little rebel. Don't get me wrong; I don't mind being asked to do things, but don't demand me to do it because then I just don't want to. It's all about delivery. I am noticing that as I type this, I have been demanding things from my kids a lot lately, rather than asking them. Dang it. I hate when you realize you are a hypocrite......Ugh. I will be working on this, believe me.
Realizing I'm A Hypocrite
Do I need to Explain? Oh, I'm adding when others are hypocrites as well. Not a fan.
People That Judge Others Without Knowing The Whole Story
Unless you are perfect yourself, don't judge anyone else. It's unkind.
Especially when I have a headache. I like the sounds of music, happiness, laughter....not the noise that pollutes the air like screaming or fighting. I get irritated when there is unnecessary "noise".
People That Expect More Than They Are Willing To Give/Entitlement
You should never have what you haven't earned. And you should be willing to work hard to get what you really want. Just make sure it's something that's worth it. Nobody owes you anything.  
Commercials/Live TV (When I Can't Fast Forward Commercials Anymore)
I DVR most of the shows I watch, so I can see them after the kids go to bed. This has spoiled me. I get so impatient while watching live TV. Three minutes is like a lifetime when I'm watching commercials for stuff that I don't want to buy. The commercial breaks in the middle of the night can take up to six minutes. SIX. MINUTES. Imagine how happy I am that I have insomnia when this happens.
When People Don't Wash Their Hands After Using The Bathroom
This makes me want to gag. When I'm in a bathroom and someone comes in to pee; I look at their shoes. That way, if they leave without washing their hands, I know who to stay away from. This is just so unhealthy and unsanitary! I really don't understand the logic of walking away unwashed. I nearly puke just thinking about this.
Okay, that's my list. Well, the ones I can think of right now. I tend to have an internal monologue going of things that bug me during the day, depending on what kind of mood I'm in. Some days the list is longer than others.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

5 Passions I Have Right Now

I'm not feeling a long blog tonight. I'm feeling pretty lazy. So I'll do this quick. Hmmm, let's see; Five things I am passionate about right now?

Travel- I want to go everywhere. If money was no object I would go to a different country at least once a year. Experience the culture, see the people, and explore the sites. It would be Heaven.

Art- In any form: food, painting, photography, music, books......all mediums are to be respected, and will be thoroughly enjoyed by me. It's my Zen place.

Genealogy- I am so interested in finding out where my family came form. I think it's important to know. It gives you a connection to History, and you get a glimpse of the stock that you're from; good or bad. Alan's family is very difficult to trace back, partially because of the inevitable roadblock; slavery. There is just a point that you can't get past, and that is very sad to me. Some of the problem is just not getting any information. Alan is no help, and I have no luck trying to get it other ways. I find genealogy to be so addicting! Once I start finding little clues, it becomes all consuming. I have countless papers filed away that are full of discovered ancestor lines. Scribbled names, dates, and places. I love it!

Love- Tolerance. Acceptance. Coexisting. You know, just LOVE and all that it encompasses.

Sleep- I'm not getting enough, and I just want it so bad!! Oh, beautiful, elusive beast.... Come hang out with me a while, won't ya?!? I'll braid your hair, and tell you you're pretty.....

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

What is My Dream Job, and Why?

     I'm really struggling with this post. Mostly because, I have no idea. I'm an adult, but like so many "grown-ups" out there, I honestly couldn't tell you what I wan to "be". I knew when I was 6-7. I was going to be a Veterinarian. I was sure. Then, I was sure again at 12 that I wanted to be a Psychologist. College rolled around and my new found passion was to be a Travel Agent. I wanted to travel the world and help others get that chance too. My grandfather, who was going to pay for my classes, said that being a Travel Agent would not make a good career because there wasn't much money in it. BOOM! Enter the thing I had not thought about. Money. See, I had always decided what I wanted to be based purely on what I thought would make me happy. Now, grandpa brought the 'reality' part of choosing a career into it. I didn't like that. I was confused. So I picked out a Literature class, a Creative Writing class, and Math 101. All very general and could be applied to anything. My Major was set as General Education, and I figured that I would just know what I wanted with time. Silly me. I love writing, so I naturally enjoyed my class and walked away with an easy A. I adore reading, so Literature was a breeze. Another A. Math? I took a refresher course that basically just reminded me of the things I had already learned in High School, and snagged my final A. I was still very unsure about what I wanted to do with my life, so I quit college and I got a job. Many jobs, in fact. I could do jobs. They required no real dedication. They are supposed to be temporary, right? There was no lifelong commitment with them that was expected with a career. I felt so relieved!

     I dove in and did everything. I built phones in the Federal Buildings in Oakland. I was a Nanny for 5 children. I worked at Blockbuster. Then I discovered Fed Ex. I LOVED that job. It was tedious, and extremely physically demanding, but the environment was constantly "GO, GO, GO! WE NEED THIS TO GET OUT NOW!!" and I didn't notice the repetition so much. Sure, it had stress. Lots of it, in fact, but it kept me interested; best thing of all was that I got to use my hands. I have always been very fond of using my hands to create things. At Fed Ex, I literally played Tetris every night as I put the boxes into my cans. I consistently won little tokens and awards in my group for having the heaviest can. I was good at it.

     Over the years I have become more and more addicted to crafting. Painting, coloring, drawing, sewing, mixing, sculpting, cooking.....All of it. What does this all have in common? Using my hands. I know I have talked in other posts about the sense of accomplishment; the thrill of looking at something that went from a blank canvas to a piece of art, all because of something that I did. Me. With my hands. I suppose this is because there really is a joy to it.A sense of soul fulfillment! While I don't really have an answer to the question of what my dream job is, I do know that whatever it may be; it would involve using my hands. Creating. Happiness. Pride. Even if it doesn't make a ton of money, it would help me feel complete. My goal has always been to help people (and apparently animals). So my advice is to pick a job kids that makes you happy. The responsibility of making money is always there, but there are choices that can be made to accommodate whatever your passion is. Make sure there is always a bit of fun in whatever you do. It's all about attitude. While some people were having meltdowns because of the stress at Fed Ex, I played games with myself and had fun. I sang songs in my head, while putting the same buttons, on the same spots, on the same phones, over and over again. If you have a good attitude, you will enjoy any job. Whether it is an actual career, or just a stepping stone on the way.

     I really hate posting Ashton Kutcher's speech, because EVERYBODY has, but I feel I must. He nails it! His three things to remember are so spot on, I think it important for everyone to watch it and really take in what he is saying.

Ashton Kutcher Acceptance Speech 2013

Until next time!

Monday, August 19, 2013

Three Wishes

How many times have you considered this question growing up? I can recall many, many conversations with friends, siblings, and my kids asking me where this subject came up.There are always rules though, aren't there? Like the Genie on Aladdin you were serious about the rules, as if having your wishes granted was a possibility. No wishing for more wishes, right? No bringing anyone back from the dead....Just kidding. I'm going to go ahead and state right here that there are no rules, since I am not a child anymore; rules don't apply to me.

Wish # 1
I wish to have a never ending bank account. No matter what I spend, I wish there would be money in there to cover it. Bills? Paid. Groceries? Done. The occasional vacation? Go ahead! No, "I wish for a million dollars" from the days of my youth. A million doesn't go very far today, and though it is nothing to sniff at; I decide how much I want. A never ending bank account is more my style. Think of the help you can give!?! I would just like enough. Enough to do what we want/need sometime. That would be so nice.
Wish # 2
I wish for Magical powers! I would be a full-blooded, wand carrying Hogwarts graduate. Top of my class! I would cast spells and live a magical existence, and be blissful because I could make my world the way I wanted it.
Wish # 3
I wish for a remote control that can control people. I know magical powers would cover this, but think of the satisfaction of aiming a remote at a screaming kid and hitting MUTE! Holy crap, the ecstasy! Are the kids taking their sweet time getting ready for school, and now you might be late? Press FAST FORWARD and get those suckers moving! Same with the person in the passing lane that is going 10 MPH UNDER the speed limit. Fast Forward, Fast Forward, FAST FORWARD!!! Hubby say something that made you mad? PAUSE! Throw water at them, tie their shoes together, scream out all of the insults you want to say, but don't want to deal with the consequences of them hearing; then just UNPAUSE and feign ignorance. I am smiling just thinking of the possibilities of this wish fulfillment. Of course, I would only use this one responsibly....

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Day 5: Top 5 Things That Make Me Happy Right Now

1. Quiet. I dream of this daily while I am listening to arguing, teasing, screaming, banging and other mysterious crashing noises.......Silence is such a beautiful thing, and it makes me profoundly happy when I do get it.

2.  "Il dolce far niente". The sweetness of doing nothing. I would be very happy to do nothing for a day. Have you heard Bruno Mars' Lazy Song? That's what I'm feeling. I got to lay in bed for a while today while Alan was up with the kids. I watched Skyfall, and loved every second of it.

3.  Crafting makes me walk around like Cinderella, twirling and singing with the birds. I am super happy when I get to make things. Anything. A bad day can be turned into a fantastic one by simply finding something crafty to do. It really doesn't take much.

4. Talking to family. I got to talk to my brother, Jason today; and it literally made me forget about the headache I was suffering from. I miss him. I miss all of my family; and when I get to talk to any of them, especially about movies I am complete. This goes with friends too. Just the whole, connecting to people I love does it.

5. Music. More 70's mix lately. Listen to these and try and tell me you aren't happy.
I would love to be more 'deep' with this list, but it's been a rough few days with the kids. I went with the five things that make me happy today.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Day 4: 10 Things I Would Tell My 16 Year Old Self

This topic has been bugging me all day, I can't even tell you! While at work tonight, I even contemplated asking complete strangers how they would answer this question, just so I could steal borrow some of their ideas. But I didn't. See, I have always tried to live a regret free life. The things I have done, I have chosen to do, knowing fully what the consequences would be in advance. Even the bad things that happened to me, I can't wish away because of the lessons I learned from them. So you see my dilemma? I wouldn't change much about my life. That's the way to live it, kids!! Think things through BEFORE you act.

Okay, what wisdom would I impart on my younger self? Hmm....... Let's do this list style!

1. Let me start this off by saying to you, YOU ARE NOT FAT! One day, after the rigors of having children have left your body swollen and soft, you will wish that you were that "fat" again. Believe me! So stop worrying about it. You look good.

2. Bangs? No! Oh, but you think you will look good? Don't. Do. It. You will hate them, no matter what they look like. When the urge to play beautician at 3 am sounds like a good idea, put the scissors down and back away. You will immediately regret your decision and get mad at yourself. Yes, this has happened a bunch of times. I know. You have a  notoriously short memory span for inflicting hideous hairstyles on yourself. While we are talking hair, don't cut it short either. Save yourself some tears. You don't like it short. Easy thing to remember: Never shorter than your shoulders! The growing out above shoulders is a year long pain. No. No Bangs! I'm serious. Next time we talk I'll be more prepared and bring pictures to prove my point.

3. Sleep. Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep! You still are not getting enough when you are 35. (By the way, 35 is not old.) There is nothing that you will miss if you go to sleep at a decent hour, so do it. You will wish you could later in life, but the years of staying up so late have taken a toll. Try to stop it now. Please.

4. When you move to Louisiana, watch what you eat. Those 60 pounds were very hard to lose. Yes, the food is delicious. I get it. I'm just trying to save you some grief. Also, and this is very important: When you and Julie are about to watch a movie and she goes in her room to change? DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR TO ASK WHAT SHE WANTS TO WATCH!!!!! You don't even want to know what is happening behind the door! It is mortifying, humiliating, and you won't be able to look at Julie and John for a few days. The image stays in your head for the next 18 years, haunting you. Just pick a movie on your own. She won't care.

5. Go to therapy. I can't stress this enough. What happened with Fred was bad, so go and talk to someone about it. You can deal with it on your own, but why should you? It manifests itself in other ways down the road that affects how you are with your family. Just go talk. That's what they are there for.

6. Speaking of therapy, Let me tell you: There is nothing wrong with admitting you are weak sometimes. You can be vulnerable, or hurt and people will help you without thinking bad things about you. When you get hurt at Fed Ex in 6 years, DO YOUR PHYSICAL THERAPY! No, I'm not yelling at you a lot. I'm "stressing" my points. Listen to me. You will know the night, by the sickening feeling in your whole body that something bad is going to happen. You will tell Mom on the way to work that you have a bad feeling someone is going to get really hurt at work. Heads up-it's you. I don't want to stop it from happening because what happens because of it is all good, but some things to remember:

  • Do NOT wrap your hands up in the strap on the side of any AMJ can. You will know what I mean. This might make your injuries less severe.
  • Vicodin does not work. At All! Just ask for Ibuprofen.
  • Do your freaking Physical Therapy, no matter how long it takes. Your back is still jacked up 14 years later.
  • Biofreeze is going to be a life saver! Try and find some now. It is amazing on headaches. 
7. Take more pictures when you go to Russia and Finland. It is beautiful, strange, and fun trip. Some of the ones you do take don't turn out so great, so take extra film and take more! (Oh, watch out for a kid named August-he is a creepy stalker for Holly.) Oh, speaking of it more. Fed Ex will let you travel, for free. Take advantage of that while it lasts, and see the world! You won't be able to do it after 2001. Fit it in!

8. You are very lucky with the friends you choose. Good job on that! They all turn out to be really good people. Maybe spend more time hanging out with them, because you will have fond memories to look back on when you live so far away, and you miss them.

9. Talk to Grandma and Grandpa Woodsworth about genealogy. It's something you will be interested later, and there is some confusion with names. Get it straight from them. Plus, Grandpa doesn't have much longer, so enjoy your time with him.

10. Alright, looks like my time here is coming to a close so my final bit of wisdom is to stay away from Aaron at Fed Ex. You don't learn anything from him, except that he is a lazy cheapskate and has an ash mouth.  He's a smoker, and the only kiss you share is a disgusting experience for you. Let me spare you that memory. And save you the $300 he "borrows" for his "car". You won't see that again. Ick. He wasn't worth it. Hey, you might even like Vin Diesel (an actor) if you avoid his look alike, but no big loss on that either. His movies are only so-so.

10 1/2. Oh, I forgot-you will be lactose intolerant after you have kids. Yes, apparently pregnancy can do that. Who knew?!? So enjoy all the cheese, milk, and yogurt you can eat now while it won't tear your stomach up. It's almost not worth it when you eat it later. I won't go into detail, but it's pretty awful. The scene in French Kiss where she scream out "Lactose Intoleraaaaaaaaance" and what follows, says it all. You've been warned.  

My Relationship With My Spouse

Alan and I have come a long way. I will definitely say that. Our relationship is sometimes fabulous and full of laughs, and at other times we literally could punch each other in the face. I know this is normal. In fact, there are very few people that I love, that I haven't wanted to hurt at one point or another. It just shows you care. At least that's what I tell myself.

We were laying in bed last night, hiding from the kids. Alan was watching Lifetime, and I was draped across his belly so he had better access to my back; (he scratches my back while watching TV sometimes, and I was not about to miss out even if I did have to listen to another movie of the week to do so) and I told Alan that the subject for my next post was our relationship, and asked how he would describe it.

"Good" was his answer.

Good. Guys are never big on details.

"Good? Really? That's it?" I prodded.

"Yeah.....good." Then he stops, stares at me, and asks; "So how would you describe it?"

"Well," I pondered. "Up and down, I guess. More up than down."

"Yeah, that's a good way to describe us."

"I mean, we like spending time together just hanging out, and you still make me laugh because you're just a big nerd,"

"I am NOT a nerd," he interrupted. "I'm the total opposite of a nerd."

"You are a total nerd. All your goofy stories?? Please. Big. Nerd."

So we came away with the understanding that while we get along most of the time, that suits us just fine. Also, Alan is a huge nerd. Don't let him tell you otherwise.

We are seriously as different as two people can be. I am the responsible middle kid, he is the impulsive baby of the family. I like Action, Romance, and Comedy movies. When I want to watch a movie, I do it to escape reality for a while. Alan? He loves Drama. Gangster flicks, Mysteries and True Stories are also his favorites. I adore reading. Unless it's a manual on how to fix a car, Alan won't touch it. We can't even listen to the same music, and the only TV channel we agree on is ID. Death. We agree on death stories. Should I be worried?

While I tend to want to be out of the house doing things, Alan just wants to be home watching his "stories". Every spot in a relationship where most people measure compatibility, we are COMPLETE opposites. Yet, somehow we work. True, if we had more things in common, it would be much easier; but I like the saying: "Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors". We are working on 'US' everyday, and enjoying doing it no matter hill or valley. Compromise is a big thing with us.

It has been a rough go at times. We are both stubborn, and butt heads about our differences. I have discovered the joy of friends, for when I need someone to hang out with that likes the same things as me. I go to the movies with my brother, rather than drag Alan along to something I know he wouldn't enjoy. Alan goes to the movies by himself and he is completely happy doing it. He has music on his phone, so if a show is on he doesn't like, he just listens to that. If you recall an old post where we decided to take turns going out every other weekend, and have a "night off" from parenting and responsibility.....that has worked wonders for us! It's not a typical arrangement, to be sure, but it works. I can't express to you the joy I feel when I know my Friday is coming up and the kids are being Monsters! It makes it bearable somehow. Alan is actually on his night out as I type. Living it up, no doubt. =)

We really do try to not fight in front of the kids, but it does happen. While I don't think it's a great thing to do, I do think it's a good way to teach forgiveness. I point out to them that just like when they fight with each other, they still love each other in the end. Nobody gets along all the time, but apologies can go a long way.

Disagreements aside, I think Alan and I have a very balanced relationship. We love each other. Respect each other. We compliment each other, and help each other. We laugh often and honestly enjoy each other. These are all things our kids get to see. Whenever we hug or kiss, Nick and Nathan just stand there with big goofy grins, giggling. It's very important to let kids see the lovey-dovey stuff.

He lets me have my friends, without questioning what I'm doing/saying behind his back because he trusts me. He can, just as I can trust him. Friends are something your partner should never ask you to give up, and thankfully he gets that. I can have the friends I choose, man or woman; and he is just fine. I love that.

I am so thankful that the kids have an example of what a father should be. They are lucky in that area. They also see that we love each other no matter what, and more than love each other-we like each other. So maybe, I do agree with Alan. Our relationship is Good. I just take more words to say it, but that's not such a bad thing....

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Three Legitimate Fears

     I alluded to fears in my first post, but didn't go into full detail. Picking only three will be pretty easy because I have three fairly general ones, and all others tend to branch off from one of these. Legitimate is such a hard word though. What seems completely understandable to me to be scared of, others might scoff at. On the other hand, my manly hubby is absolutely phobic when it comes to snakes. Me? Not so much. Rats? Spiders? Nope. So I will understand if you read this and laugh, wondering why I'm afraid of some weird stuff. I wonder sometimes myself.....

     Here they are in no particular order:

Fear #1  Heights

     Again, I really have no idea where this started, but it might have something to do with the Luke Perry scar that adorns my right eyebrow. It literally cuts right through my brow, and it's origin is a total mystery to me. It started showing up in pictures when I was around 8, so there you go. Anyway, HEIGHTS. That to me can be as small as one foot off the ground to a few stories up. I am absolutely petrified at malls where they only have a short, thin glass wall stopping people from plummeting to their deaths. This 'barrier', if you will, is there so that people can look down at lower levels. Why? What is so important to look at down there that they can't see by simply walking down to check out? Who decided this was a good idea?!? I can't walk any closer than 15 feet. You will actually find me touching the store walls as I pass. If I get any closer, I know with a certainty that someone will bump into me and I will be flung through the glass, and fall to my death. I literally can't even look in the direction of the opening. It makes me want to throw up.
     This goes for manhole covers, street grates, balconies, hotel windows, movies that show high places (Spiderman!!!) and ladders. Strangely enough, not airplanes. When you are up that high, it doesn't look real. Good thing too. I love traveling.

Fear #2  Too Much

     This one has no real 'start' that I can think of either. Just random memories of specific times where things were added to my "too much" category. I remember a time growing up when meat got put in the stove on a hot day, and for one reason or another, it was left there. A few days later while in the kitchen with my brother eating some cake, I heard some weird noises behind me. Plop. Plop. Plop. I turned around and found maggots were dropping out of the stove like a waterfall. I almost died. Cake was quickly forgotten, and my brother and I ran outside screaming our faces off. I couldn't even think of going in the house until they were gone. Maggots got added to the list.
     When I lived in Louisiana the summer after I graduated, my room got invaded with ladybugs. Oh, you think they are cute? Try having them come in the ceiling, windows, floorboards.... Nowhere was safe. Ladybugs? Added to the list.
     I hate ants. There are never only one or two of those.
     Crowds? Forget about it. I can't handle it. This went for the school cafeteria too. I got free lunches growing up, but I couldn't make myself walk into the packed, noisy lunchroom to get food. I usually ended up paying for something from the food cart outside, or not eating at all. This fear of too many people has made it's way into more areas of my life as I have gotten older. I now have a hard time at school functions, stores, and even church. I feel like I can't breathe and panic, completely clautrophobic-but with people-not walls. I freak out until I am in an empty, open place with only a few people. I really have just started avoiding these situations all together so I can avoid the panic attacks that accompany them. I used to have nightmares that had to do with people looking at me. The fear is debilitating. I still have such a hard time if I have to speak in public. My voice shakes and I really just want to cry. Or run. Unfortunately sometimes you have to do these things, no matter how uncomfortable they make you. That's why I force myself to go to school plays sometimes. (Ugh, the dread associated with gatherings!) I wish I didn't have this fear. It might have something to do with getting lost at Disneyland when I was 11 years old. It was my fault. I'm not a patient person, and I thought my brothers, and sister were taking too long on the ride that I was too scared to go on, so I wondered off to look around. I thought I would be back in time to see them getting off the ride. I wasn't. A policeman was found, a message was left at the hotel, the lost children's room was visited, and five hours later my brother Aaron came and rescued me. I remember it was scary, but I felt safe because it was Disneyland. But looking back on it, I can't recall much of a fear before this event. Hmm.....

Fear # 3  Porcelain Dolls

    This one I do know the beginning of. It will forever haunt me. It has also made people think I am crazy over the years, but whatever. Had you seen what I did, you would be terrified too! It all started when my sister, Holly and I went to our friend, Kristine's house. She was from the Philippines, and had a small 6-8 inch porcelain doll in her room that had been in her family for a few generations, I believe. The doll was on the headboard of her bed, and the thing creeped me out. Like, bad. I couldn't look at it without it giving me a bad feeling. I don't know why this one day it bothered me more than any other day, but it did. While we were playing in her room I turned it around so it wasn't watching us, and the three of us went back to playing. Soon after I looked and it was facing forward again. Confused, I went over and turned it around again and went back to playing. The next time I peeked, you guessed it, it was back facing us instead of the wall. I don't remember how many times I played this little game before I just grabbed a shirt to toss over it. I was told not to, but I did it anyway. "She won't like it," I was told. I didn't listen. This was a doll we were talking about after all. (Also, I'm not very good at listening to reason coming from others all the time.)  *Toss*  Nailed it! It was hidden by the shirt and I felt safe, even though I couldn't take my eyes off of it. I just stared and stared. I was about to look away when I noticed movement under the shirt, and it slowly started coming off. Now, I don't know how slow it was really moving, but in my 12 year old mind it was playing out like a horror movie. It seemed to take forever to fall. Then I saw WHY it fell. The freaking doll arm had to have twisted all the way around and was moving-on it's own- knocking the shirt off. I lost it. I screamed and got up to run out of the room, only to have the door not open. It would not budge. Mind you, there and no lock on this door, but I tell you with all honesty, we could not get it open. I can't remember if Holly was screaming or not, because I couldn't hear much over my terrified screams for the "stupid door to open!!!" I do remember hearing Kristina telling me to apologize to the doll because I made it mad. I yelled out amid my panic that I was sorry, and the freaking door just opened. I could have left a trail of fire after me, I ran so fast! I just wanted to be out of there. I was so scared. We all got outside onto her porch and tried to calm down. She told us a story about how the doll moves on it's own. Always has. Her grandfather had even caught it walking down the hall back in the Philippines, years and years before. I ask you, Dear Reader; why would you keep it?!? I would never pass it down! Haunted doll, you say? No thanks!! I didn't go into her house again, and she moved soon after. But the fear of that day? Burned into my brain.
     Can you believe that for Christmas that very year, my Grandma gave me a porcelain doll as a gift??? I KNOW!!! She had no idea. It would have been a huge cudos to Grandma for scaring me, because my family knows I can be hard to scare, but it was completely unintentional. She actually loved and collected them, and never knew that I hated her gift. After bringing it upstairs that morning, I cut off all of it's hair and hid it in my closet for the next few years, until I could look at it enough to throw it away.
     When I moved to Oregon and lived with my Grandparents to go to College, Grandma thought it was absurd that she had to put her precious dolls away. They were all over the house. Everywhere you turned, the creepy little things watched you. I get chills just thinking of this story because it scared me so much, and of course my boys love hearing about it. Stupid little porcelain clown dolls, and ventriloquist dummy's also fall under this category. Yuck!!
     I have had ghosts around me for as long as I can remember, but the thought of a doll moving? No. Too much. If you escaped the clown scene in Poltergeist unscathed, I envy you. I can't watch that part to this day. Brings back too much.

There you go. My three legitimate (to me) fears, in all their glory. Tell me this wouldn't scare you:

Now imagine her moving on her own. See? Nightmare for life!

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

20 Facts

I found this post "30 Things my kids should know about me" on Pinterest a while ago and fell in love with it. So much so, that I tacked it onto the favorites board on my computer as well as pinning it; and there it sat. For a few months. It sat there until I decided a week ago that I was going to do something about finally getting it done. So I did. I wrote all the questions down, get this: in my craft journal. Now I was serious. Seriously meaning to actually, really do something about it. Possibly something my kids would be able to eventually read some day. I was Inspired!! The problem was, I wrote all of these things down around 3 a.m. That is the time I usually get very inspired to do something, and I come up with a lot of great ideas, and plan things to do the next day......and I go to sleep. Then I wake up unmotivated. Or worse; I wake up and completely forget about the genius idea that I had come up with, and was positive I would never forget, so I didn't bother writing it down. I didn't need to. Ugh. Unfortunately this last scenario is exactly why I now keep a craft journal on my side of the bed. No more brilliant ideas will be lost because of  my lack of the proper writing utensils/paper during the unholy hours of the morning. But, as I was saying-I loved that post. I'm pretty sure my kids know a ton about me now because they ask me a million and a half questions per day; but I thought I would write down some stuff for them to be able to look back on some day when they are less interested in asking. Also, the blog that I got it from has some very interesting questions that I think would be fun to know about your mom. (Ahem. Hint, hint, Mom) That being said, I will probably think of a different question for the day that asks about "who you would eat dinner with and what you would eat?" I've never understood why that is something to ask another person. What does that tell you of their character? It just tells you what they are hungry for and someone they like, or say they like. Lets be honest, most people feel that if they don't throw in Jesus, Martin Luther King Jr. or someone inspiring, instead of who they really want to say (Elvis, anyone?), they will sound like a shallow racist and go to Hell for sure. So, expect a different question that day if you are following along.

So with out anymore rambling, here I go:

Question #1    List 20 Random Facts about yourself

1. I love all things rainbow. The more colors something has, the happier it tends to make me. I would decorate the house with rainbows and unicorns if I could, but Dad wouldn't like it so I won't. But I want to. That is why I wear colorful socks (that you guys steal). I decorate myself.

2. I love magic (Hence the unicorn reference.) I wish it was real. I wish I went to Hogwarts, like really went there. If you don't understand that reference, I have failed as a parent. I would walk around calling out random spells and waving a magic wand, if I thought it would work. It also might get you strange looks from kids at school so just remember I am sacrificing my happiness, because I love you guys and care about your feelings. You're welcome.

3. I am not a natural parent. I know right? I had you all fooled! It is so much harder than I ever thought it would be. I used to have patience with kids, and since I became a parent I realized that I used it all up on other kids. Sorry, It's unfair, I know. Hey, take it up with the Big Man. There isn't anything I can do about it.

4. I have a lot of crazy fears, and most of them I don't remember where they came from. I know where the doll fear came from. That, I will never forget. But heights? I climbed on the roof of our two story house growing up, hanging out of a window where I had to swing my legs to even get onto the roof because there was nothing under me to catch me if I slipped. I climbed to the top of the tree in the front of that same house, that was nearly as tall as the house, and would just drop onto a pile of blankets and sleeping bags that were loosely piled on the ground. (Know this-if I ever see you do anything even remotely similar-I will kill you. I won't wait for the ground to do it. If you do stupid crap like that, at least have the decency to do it when I don't know about it. Like I did. That crap will give a mom a heart attack!) I'm also scared of too much of anything, and I really do mean anything. People, ants, ladybugs.......if I feel there is too much, I panic and can't breathe.

5. I adore Christmas. And Halloween. Any reason to decorate, I'm there! That is a tradition I want you to carry on. Even if your spouse (like your father) says that it "looks like Christmas/Halloween threw up in here." That is when you know you are doing it right. Maybe even add some more. Good thing your dad was kidding. Side note, choose your spouse wisely. Make sure they like decorating before you marry them. It IS important.

6. I'm always right. Even when I'm not, you'll never know. I have earned this right as a parent, and you will earn it too, sometime in the very, VERY distant future when you have kids. So stop arguing with me about everything. Seriously. I want to smack you.

7. I DO remember your point of view. Vividly. I remember feeling very justified in thinking my parents were just mean, hateful people that didn't want me to have any fun. Now that I'm on the other end? I get it. I see both sides and even though I do remember what you are thinking and feeling, I also see the point of view as the parent and may not always agree with you. And as you see in fact #6, I am always right. Also, sometimes you just piss me off and I say 'No' just to spite you. I'm an adult in age, not always in maturity. You will understand this when you are a parent too.

8. I blame-shift sometimes to cover my short-comings. But it's not my fault.

9. Christmas music can make me in a better mood. 70's music works as well. Music calms me down, so quiet down the screaming, tantrums, tattling, whining, begging and let me hear my music. It will help us all.

10. Despite popular belief, I do know how to use the bathroom by myself. I haven't once fallen in. Well, once, but I was a kid and it was the middle of the night and one of your uncles left the toilet seat up. So, It couldn't be avoided. (Did I mention my blame-shifting tendency?) Just know, if I go to the bathroom alone....I will be just fine. Trust me.

11. It is really hard for me to come up with 20 facts.

12. I adore reading. I didn't always, but I do now. So keep at it and eventually you will like it too. (Even if the book is longer than 100 pages, Ben.) The best books are long and have no pictures.

13. I love the smell of rain, oranges, lemons, vanilla, cinnamon, your Dad's cologne, books and paint.

14. I really do get mad when you chew with your mouth open. Even though I am self-diagnosed with Misophonia,  it's a REAL disorder; I will duct tape your mouth shut and feed you intravenously if you keep chewing loudly next to me. It's disgusting. Get it under control.

15. I may not like you sometimes, but I will always love you. I understand it goes both ways. You don't have to like me all the time either. You do have to let what is bugging you go, and get over it because family is forever. They are the only ones that will always be there. Don't let anger ruin that. Let things go.

16. I love doing crafty stuff with you guys. It makes me proud to have kids that enjoy making things with me, even when you sneak into my stash while I am sleeping. (Ben.)

17. I am a huge photo junkie. Yes, I do need 4,000 pictures of you guys. You grow up too fast, and I like looking back at pictures of you. One day you will be happy I took this many pictures of you, when you are visiting with your kids and looking at the hundreds of photos and laughing. I might even have them printed out by then. Until that day, just smile for the camera!

18. I believe in honesty, love, and loyalty. Give those gifts to others, and hope for them in return.

19. Random acts of kindness are always a good idea. We have been blessed with so many wonderful things from anonymous, generous people. I truly believe in giving what I can, and helping others out without even thinking of getting anything in return. Never give to receive. It's the wrong way to do it. Do it with a loving heart, and let the blessing be that you are doing a service to someone that needs it.

20. I still have a hard time spelling the same words I would always get wrong as a kid. Not sure why. Misspell? Appreciate? Calendar? Necessarily? Those words still suck to me. Thank goodness for Google.